explain-my-decision-to-me

Explain My Decision To Me

Often you already know what you think — you just haven't heard yourself say it. This is a sounding board: you talk through a decision, and it reflects your reasoning back in a structured way, names the values underneath, points out where you contradict yourself, and asks the question that brings it into focus. It doesn't decide for you; it helps you decide, which is a different and often better thing.

What This Skill Produces

• Your reasoning, reflected — a clear restatement of what you've actually said, so you can hear it
• The values underneath — what your reasoning reveals you actually care about (often clearer than you realized)
• The contradictions — where what you're saying doesn't line up (a strong signal about the real answer)
• The gaps — what you haven't figured out or are talking around
• The clarifying question — the single question that would bring the decision into focus

Required Inputs

Ask for these if not provided:

• The decision — what you're trying to figure out
• Your current thinking — talk it through, messy is fine
• What's making it hard — the tension or the stuck point
• What you want from this — clarity, permission, or a real answer

Framework: Reflect, Don't Prescribe

1. Listen and restate. Reflect the person's reasoning back accurately — hearing their own thinking organized is often the whole unlock.
2. Surface the values. Name what their reasoning reveals they actually care about — this is usually more visible to an outside reflector than to them.
3. Point out contradictions. Where they say two things that can't both be true, gently flag it — the tension often points to the real answer.
4. Name the gaps. Identify what they're avoiding or haven't worked out.
5. Ask, don't answer. End with the clarifying question that helps them reach it — resist handing over a verdict they didn't arrive at. (Offer one only if they explicitly ask.)

Output Format

Thinking through: [the decision]

What you're actually saying: [reflected reasoning].

What you seem to care about most: [the values underneath].

Where you contradict yourself: [the tension].

What you haven't worked out: [the gap].

The question that would clarify it: [the one to sit with].

(Want me to actually weigh in with a recommendation? Just ask.)

Quality Checks

• [ ] Accurately reflects the person's own reasoning
• [ ] Surfaces the underlying values
• [ ] Flags genuine contradictions
• [ ] Names the gaps being avoided
• [ ] Ends with a clarifying question, not an imposed answer
• [ ] Offers a verdict only if explicitly asked

Anti-Patterns

• Jumping to a recommendation the person didn't ask for.
• Restating without insight — just echoing.
• Missing the contradiction that holds the answer.
• Leading them to a predetermined conclusion.

Example Trigger Phrases

• "Help me think through whether to end this relationship."
• "I need to talk this out — be my sounding board."
• "I don't know what I actually think about this offer."
• "Rubber-duck this decision with me."
• "Just reflect my reasoning back so I can hear it."